Colliding with Jesus

Change doesn't happen because we want it to. It happens because of a collision. 

When we think of the word collision, typically negative images come to mind. But a collision can also be positive.

We collide with other people. We collide with things written: books, stories, devotionals. We collide with circumstances in life. We collide with others' beliefs, ideas. We collide with music. We collide with Jesus.

When two things collide, it is rare that they both stay the same. Usually, one or both of those objects are changed because of the collision. 

When we collide with Jesus, we are changed. In perspective, self worth, purpose... the possibilities for change are endless. When we collide with people, our beliefs, ideas, goals, can all be changed as well. Some of these changes are previously desired, and some of them come about unexpectedly.

But what happens when we want to change?

In order to have things change we have to put ourselves in the path of a collision. 

Sometimes, we have this strong desire to change. But we don't do anything about it. Maybe we're afraid of failing, maybe it's just easier to not try, maybe we aren't sure if we really want the change. But by not doing anything, it is guaranteed we will stay the same. And then we get frustrated because nothing is changing.

What if we spent less time thinking about the problem (what we want to change) and instead focused on the solution (putting ourselves out there so there can actually be change)?

What would it look like if we made a decision to head towards collisions? Collisions with Jesus, with people who will lift us up, with music or books that help us grow. If we commit to being changed, to growing, to not being afraid of what comes with being different than we used to be, what are the possibilities?

I collided with Jesus this weekend, in a very real way. I was in a funk, and I was taking it out on myself. I'm not good enough, I'm not as ____ as this person, I can't do _____ that well, I'm not going to get into grad school, the list keeps going. I reluctantly put myself in the path of a collision, and oh was I changed. I collided with the memories of a retreat that I attended in spring, and what it meant to be focused on God, and to be a sanctuary for Him. I collided with a friend with beautiful faith, who reminded me that I am a daughter of God, and that I have dignity and identity in Him, and that I need to actively stop the lies that I started believing. I collided at Mass, where I remembered that God knows my heart, and loves me (and even likes me!) even when I fail. And I collided at SNL, where I heard about this idea of collision and change.

I have been desperate for change, but I have been unwilling to put myself out there. Because of my fear of failing, because of the work that it requies, because of my human laziness. But when I finally put myself on the path of collision, God collided with me, in an amazing way. Every step that we take towards Him, no matter how small, will result in a collision that will leave us changed.

*Thanks to Paul LeFeber, who spoke at SNL, for many of the ideas that spurred this post.

Sanctuary

I was going to write a post about this song. But I don't know that any words that I have could do it justice. So please, take 5 minute and watch this music video. It is well worth your time. Maybe I'll try to write about it later, but right now, every time I watch it, I am left in awe of its universality and the importance of its message. As a review says, "[the actress plays] the girl we can all look back on at least one point in our high school lives and relate to, whether it was feeling alone walking through the school halls, or feeling overwhelmed listening to fighting parents. She finds her escape sitting in her local church. What’s your Sanctuary?"

To Write Love on Her Arms wrote about this song, and I think they sum it up more eloquently than I could- check it out here. See? I'm already talking too much and cluttering this post with unnecessary words. Just watch it. 

Sanctuary - Paradise Fears

So go ahead and lie to yourself,
and pretend that you're a ray of light,
when you're a broken candle,

you're keeping time with yourself,
when did it all start moving way too fast,
for you to handle,

you're short on breath but heavy on time,
you lost the words but you found the rhyme,
it's all just poetry now,

the walls are singing,
hallelujah amen,
the walls are singing,
hallelujah amen,

it's so dark in the room,
and the ceilings are high,
you know the feeling,
you've been here before,

and it's a broken old pew,
and it's an echoing cry,
don't sell yourself short,
on breath and heavy on time,
you lost the words but you found the rhyme,
it's all just poetry now,

the walls are singing,
hallelujah amen,
the walls are singing,
hallelujah amen,

See, we don’t really care who you are,
We’ve kinda got this non-exclusive policy of determining exactly,
Who we open up to and let into our family,
And who becomes a part of our united mass of harmony.
And that’s kind of become the thesis to this song,
Through suffering, acceptance, grief, and strife,
There’s no way that your puzzle piece fits into our puzzle wrong,
‘cause everyone is welcome on this stage that we call life.

And we don’t really care who you are,
Everyone is capable of looking up and wishing on a star.
So catch, so contagious, this day-dreamer’s disease,
And hope can be your sword, slaying darkness with belief.

And we don’t really care who you are,
Regardless of how lost you are returning from, regardless of how far.
So bring me all the worst of your broken, bruised, insane.
Because that’s the thing with music: when it hits, you feel no pain.
No matter what you did, I promise we forgave it,
When all that’s left is your voice, you’ve got no choice but to raise it.
All you broken hearts, all you dejected dreams,
Just let yourself be free because even broken wings can fly away.

in time you'll find,
this life's a painting and you're the artist,
just open your eyes,
it's never too late to clear your canvas,

so paint me jealous,
paint me rage,
for God's sakes paint me anything,
just paint,
your brush awaits,

and the walls are singing,
hallelujah amen,
yeah we're all just singing

hallelujah amen,

let your walls keep singing

hallelujah amen

oh come on keep singing

hallelujah amen

the walls are singing

hallelujah amen,

the walls sing you to sleep,
hallelujah amen,
one secret meant to keep you safe tonight,
I swear that everything will be alright.

Forward Thinking

The future. It seems to be in everyone's thoughts and conversations. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? What is your "end goal"? Are you going back to school? Questions like this seem to be popping up in conversations more and more. 

While, yes, I do believe it is important to be working towards your goals and dreams, I also feel that society is too focused on the "end goal." It's important to be enjoying each and every stage of life as it comes. This has become more apparent to me lately, as I start to look back on college. 

Throughout college, the question was always What career are you pursuing? What are you doing after college? I got swept away in all of the planning for the future, and almost forgot to enjoy the present. Now that college is behind me, I realize the focus shouldn't have been on I can't wait to get a job, but instead I am going to enjoy college while looking forward to a career. In a similar vein, there is a lot of worry about the future. Am I going to have a job? What's going to happen next semester (or in a year, or in 4 years)? Jesus tells us,

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34

How much time do we spend worrying about tomorrow, about the future, that we could spend enjoying today? What would it look like if we took a break from worrying, trusted God about our future, and lived this moment with contentment. 

Contentment is a word that has been popping into my head lately. The idea of being content with the stage of life that you are in, being patient, not comparing your stage to others' around you. More on this later. 

Where did I go?

Whoops! How time has flown, with nary a blog post.

What's been going on?

I am finally living in one place: Milwaukee. I am working full time (albeit second shift) at the psychiatric hospital, and filling my time with fun. I am volunteering at a children's center, hanging out with adorable preschool friends for a few hours each week.

I am also working on digitizing my grandma's photos. A few months ago, my dad and I re-discovered a bunch of old photos from when my grandma was growing up, including photos of her mom at age 16! In order to preserve these photos, I have been scanning them, and then we will make copies for other family members. It has been a large undertaking, but it has been so much fun to see what my family looked like when they were younger. It has also brought back a lot of memories about my childhood, and I love seeing the fashions that were in style then.

I apologize for the lack of updates. Now that my life has settled down, I hope to post on a more regular basis. You can look forward to highlights from the summer, musings on the "real world", and more.

The Real World

Big news!

I have been offered (and I accepted) a position as an Intake Specialist at a psychiatric hospital near my hometown. I will be talking with potential patients, as well as meeting with them and their families when they first come in.

What does this mean for my internship? Not a lot. My manager has been incredibly flexible, and she said that I can schedule my training around my hours at Blackhawk. I will be doing lots of commuting (and borrowing of books on CD from the library), but I will be able to balance the two jobs for the summer.

I am very excited for this opportunity, as it is a job in my field that has long-term potential. I am so thankful to know what I will be doing come fall.

State Park

I apologize for the recent lack of posts. All of a sudden, my life has gotten twice as busy. Check back tomorrow for the reason.

The internship has been going great! I love working with our Middle School team.

Last Tuesday, we went out to Governor Dodge State Park for a day of team building and bonding. We had a chance to have some quiet time early in the morning, before all of the school groups arrived. We talked about the idea of unity in the church, and what it means to be striving for unity. We went on a couple hikes, stopping at rock outcroppings and mini waterfalls to share our stories and talk about who we are. We ate lunch around a picnic table, talking about our strengths and how that plays out in the ministry world. After a little frisbee and soccer (which I stayed far away from!), we headed back. It was a beautiful day and a great opportunity to get to know our team better.

Stephens Falls, Governor Dodge State Park
Photo credit to Randy Roberts, a blog I found on Google images

This Sunday marks the beginning of Week 1 of Madison Missions. I can't believe it's right around the corner already!! I am excited for the students to arrive, but I know there is still a fair amount to get done before the week begins.

First Day!

I started my Blackhawk internship today! It was a busy day, filled with orientations on facilities, HR, accounting, and more. The highlight of my day was our meeting with Jon. We talked about what the interns' roles will be this summer, and laid out what our responsibilities will entail. I am super pumped to start working full time for this ministry and make things happen!

However, I am approximately $400 short from being able to start. This means that I cannot actually start taking care of some of the tasks laid out before me until that money comes in. This is where I need your help.

If you are interested in supporting me this summer, I'd really appreciate it. You can give online at www.blackhawkchurch.org/give-2 by logging in, selecting Intern Program as the purpose, and then putting my name in the memo section. You can also mail a check to Blackhawk Church; Attn Intern Program; 9620 Brader Way; Middleton WI 53562 with my name in the memo line.

Also, please pray for wisdom during these internship months, that I may grow in my skills and come to understand my spiritual gifts. I am so excited for this opportunity to learn and grow while serving our community.

Pics from graduation to come soon. :)