Colliding with Jesus

Change doesn't happen because we want it to. It happens because of a collision. 

When we think of the word collision, typically negative images come to mind. But a collision can also be positive.

We collide with other people. We collide with things written: books, stories, devotionals. We collide with circumstances in life. We collide with others' beliefs, ideas. We collide with music. We collide with Jesus.

When two things collide, it is rare that they both stay the same. Usually, one or both of those objects are changed because of the collision. 

When we collide with Jesus, we are changed. In perspective, self worth, purpose... the possibilities for change are endless. When we collide with people, our beliefs, ideas, goals, can all be changed as well. Some of these changes are previously desired, and some of them come about unexpectedly.

But what happens when we want to change?

In order to have things change we have to put ourselves in the path of a collision. 

Sometimes, we have this strong desire to change. But we don't do anything about it. Maybe we're afraid of failing, maybe it's just easier to not try, maybe we aren't sure if we really want the change. But by not doing anything, it is guaranteed we will stay the same. And then we get frustrated because nothing is changing.

What if we spent less time thinking about the problem (what we want to change) and instead focused on the solution (putting ourselves out there so there can actually be change)?

What would it look like if we made a decision to head towards collisions? Collisions with Jesus, with people who will lift us up, with music or books that help us grow. If we commit to being changed, to growing, to not being afraid of what comes with being different than we used to be, what are the possibilities?

I collided with Jesus this weekend, in a very real way. I was in a funk, and I was taking it out on myself. I'm not good enough, I'm not as ____ as this person, I can't do _____ that well, I'm not going to get into grad school, the list keeps going. I reluctantly put myself in the path of a collision, and oh was I changed. I collided with the memories of a retreat that I attended in spring, and what it meant to be focused on God, and to be a sanctuary for Him. I collided with a friend with beautiful faith, who reminded me that I am a daughter of God, and that I have dignity and identity in Him, and that I need to actively stop the lies that I started believing. I collided at Mass, where I remembered that God knows my heart, and loves me (and even likes me!) even when I fail. And I collided at SNL, where I heard about this idea of collision and change.

I have been desperate for change, but I have been unwilling to put myself out there. Because of my fear of failing, because of the work that it requies, because of my human laziness. But when I finally put myself on the path of collision, God collided with me, in an amazing way. Every step that we take towards Him, no matter how small, will result in a collision that will leave us changed.

*Thanks to Paul LeFeber, who spoke at SNL, for many of the ideas that spurred this post.

Sanctuary

I was going to write a post about this song. But I don't know that any words that I have could do it justice. So please, take 5 minute and watch this music video. It is well worth your time. Maybe I'll try to write about it later, but right now, every time I watch it, I am left in awe of its universality and the importance of its message. As a review says, "[the actress plays] the girl we can all look back on at least one point in our high school lives and relate to, whether it was feeling alone walking through the school halls, or feeling overwhelmed listening to fighting parents. She finds her escape sitting in her local church. What’s your Sanctuary?"

To Write Love on Her Arms wrote about this song, and I think they sum it up more eloquently than I could- check it out here. See? I'm already talking too much and cluttering this post with unnecessary words. Just watch it. 

Sanctuary - Paradise Fears

So go ahead and lie to yourself,
and pretend that you're a ray of light,
when you're a broken candle,

you're keeping time with yourself,
when did it all start moving way too fast,
for you to handle,

you're short on breath but heavy on time,
you lost the words but you found the rhyme,
it's all just poetry now,

the walls are singing,
hallelujah amen,
the walls are singing,
hallelujah amen,

it's so dark in the room,
and the ceilings are high,
you know the feeling,
you've been here before,

and it's a broken old pew,
and it's an echoing cry,
don't sell yourself short,
on breath and heavy on time,
you lost the words but you found the rhyme,
it's all just poetry now,

the walls are singing,
hallelujah amen,
the walls are singing,
hallelujah amen,

See, we don’t really care who you are,
We’ve kinda got this non-exclusive policy of determining exactly,
Who we open up to and let into our family,
And who becomes a part of our united mass of harmony.
And that’s kind of become the thesis to this song,
Through suffering, acceptance, grief, and strife,
There’s no way that your puzzle piece fits into our puzzle wrong,
‘cause everyone is welcome on this stage that we call life.

And we don’t really care who you are,
Everyone is capable of looking up and wishing on a star.
So catch, so contagious, this day-dreamer’s disease,
And hope can be your sword, slaying darkness with belief.

And we don’t really care who you are,
Regardless of how lost you are returning from, regardless of how far.
So bring me all the worst of your broken, bruised, insane.
Because that’s the thing with music: when it hits, you feel no pain.
No matter what you did, I promise we forgave it,
When all that’s left is your voice, you’ve got no choice but to raise it.
All you broken hearts, all you dejected dreams,
Just let yourself be free because even broken wings can fly away.

in time you'll find,
this life's a painting and you're the artist,
just open your eyes,
it's never too late to clear your canvas,

so paint me jealous,
paint me rage,
for God's sakes paint me anything,
just paint,
your brush awaits,

and the walls are singing,
hallelujah amen,
yeah we're all just singing

hallelujah amen,

let your walls keep singing

hallelujah amen

oh come on keep singing

hallelujah amen

the walls are singing

hallelujah amen,

the walls sing you to sleep,
hallelujah amen,
one secret meant to keep you safe tonight,
I swear that everything will be alright.

Forward Thinking

The future. It seems to be in everyone's thoughts and conversations. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? What is your "end goal"? Are you going back to school? Questions like this seem to be popping up in conversations more and more. 

While, yes, I do believe it is important to be working towards your goals and dreams, I also feel that society is too focused on the "end goal." It's important to be enjoying each and every stage of life as it comes. This has become more apparent to me lately, as I start to look back on college. 

Throughout college, the question was always What career are you pursuing? What are you doing after college? I got swept away in all of the planning for the future, and almost forgot to enjoy the present. Now that college is behind me, I realize the focus shouldn't have been on I can't wait to get a job, but instead I am going to enjoy college while looking forward to a career. In a similar vein, there is a lot of worry about the future. Am I going to have a job? What's going to happen next semester (or in a year, or in 4 years)? Jesus tells us,

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34

How much time do we spend worrying about tomorrow, about the future, that we could spend enjoying today? What would it look like if we took a break from worrying, trusted God about our future, and lived this moment with contentment. 

Contentment is a word that has been popping into my head lately. The idea of being content with the stage of life that you are in, being patient, not comparing your stage to others' around you. More on this later. 

Where did I go?

Whoops! How time has flown, with nary a blog post.

What's been going on?

I am finally living in one place: Milwaukee. I am working full time (albeit second shift) at the psychiatric hospital, and filling my time with fun. I am volunteering at a children's center, hanging out with adorable preschool friends for a few hours each week.

I am also working on digitizing my grandma's photos. A few months ago, my dad and I re-discovered a bunch of old photos from when my grandma was growing up, including photos of her mom at age 16! In order to preserve these photos, I have been scanning them, and then we will make copies for other family members. It has been a large undertaking, but it has been so much fun to see what my family looked like when they were younger. It has also brought back a lot of memories about my childhood, and I love seeing the fashions that were in style then.

I apologize for the lack of updates. Now that my life has settled down, I hope to post on a more regular basis. You can look forward to highlights from the summer, musings on the "real world", and more.

The Real World

Big news!

I have been offered (and I accepted) a position as an Intake Specialist at a psychiatric hospital near my hometown. I will be talking with potential patients, as well as meeting with them and their families when they first come in.

What does this mean for my internship? Not a lot. My manager has been incredibly flexible, and she said that I can schedule my training around my hours at Blackhawk. I will be doing lots of commuting (and borrowing of books on CD from the library), but I will be able to balance the two jobs for the summer.

I am very excited for this opportunity, as it is a job in my field that has long-term potential. I am so thankful to know what I will be doing come fall.

State Park

I apologize for the recent lack of posts. All of a sudden, my life has gotten twice as busy. Check back tomorrow for the reason.

The internship has been going great! I love working with our Middle School team.

Last Tuesday, we went out to Governor Dodge State Park for a day of team building and bonding. We had a chance to have some quiet time early in the morning, before all of the school groups arrived. We talked about the idea of unity in the church, and what it means to be striving for unity. We went on a couple hikes, stopping at rock outcroppings and mini waterfalls to share our stories and talk about who we are. We ate lunch around a picnic table, talking about our strengths and how that plays out in the ministry world. After a little frisbee and soccer (which I stayed far away from!), we headed back. It was a beautiful day and a great opportunity to get to know our team better.

Stephens Falls, Governor Dodge State Park
Photo credit to Randy Roberts, a blog I found on Google images

This Sunday marks the beginning of Week 1 of Madison Missions. I can't believe it's right around the corner already!! I am excited for the students to arrive, but I know there is still a fair amount to get done before the week begins.

First Day!

I started my Blackhawk internship today! It was a busy day, filled with orientations on facilities, HR, accounting, and more. The highlight of my day was our meeting with Jon. We talked about what the interns' roles will be this summer, and laid out what our responsibilities will entail. I am super pumped to start working full time for this ministry and make things happen!

However, I am approximately $400 short from being able to start. This means that I cannot actually start taking care of some of the tasks laid out before me until that money comes in. This is where I need your help.

If you are interested in supporting me this summer, I'd really appreciate it. You can give online at www.blackhawkchurch.org/give-2 by logging in, selecting Intern Program as the purpose, and then putting my name in the memo section. You can also mail a check to Blackhawk Church; Attn Intern Program; 9620 Brader Way; Middleton WI 53562 with my name in the memo line.

Also, please pray for wisdom during these internship months, that I may grow in my skills and come to understand my spiritual gifts. I am so excited for this opportunity to learn and grow while serving our community.

Pics from graduation to come soon. :)

Día de los Niños

A couple weekends ago, I had the opportunity to represent Briarpatch (the crisis counseling center I volunteer at) at the Latino Health Fair at Goodman Community Center. The event celebrates children, and provides the Hispanic population in Madison with resources in the community.

Tamales were served, temporary tattoos were applied, candy was given out, and conversations were had. We even had the honor of seeing Crash Helmet in person!

Image credit to dean.org

It was a great few hours of speaking Spanish with local families, telling them about our services, like our 24/7 helpline for teens and families (608-251-1126).

John (a Briarpatch staff member, pictured above) and I had a blast looking at the cute Latino kids that passed by, too!

Project Runway... Madison edition.

A couple weeks ago, my friend Emilie and I attended UW-Madison's annual fashion show. The fashion design students work all year long to come up with the concept for the show, as well as create the pieces themselves. It was a great opportunity to see a different side of UW. Here are a few of my favorite designs:

The show had 4 parts. Each part was assigned a season: winter, spring, summer, fall. Each season was assigned a fashion capital: Tokyo, London, New York, and Paris. And then each season was assigned an element of nature: wind, water, earth, and fire.

A design class created beautiful banners that represented each of the seasons/capitals. 

I was very impressed by the creativity of the fashion students. They used unusual materials, shapes, and colors to create new and inventive looks. 

Overall, I was super happy to have gotten a glimpse of what students at UW can do. Who knows? Maybe we'll see some of their designs on the NY Fashion Week runway in a few years.

Endings and Beginnings

Recently, I have been thinking a lot about change. It's no wonder, because graduation is right around the corner, and, with it, lots of change. I was chatting with a friend today, who said that change is good, but the transitions are hard. As I have thought more about what she said, I realize how true that statement is.

Photo credit to motivationalmemo.com

I don't mind change. The idea of doing something new, of going somewhere different with my life, is good. Exciting, even. But the idea of having to make the transitions required to get there? Well, that's just terrifying.

These weeks have been filled with many lasts. The last Middle School event of the year. Our last Bible study. My last days of undergrad classes. The idea of these things ending is sad.

However, there are lots of firsts right around the corner too. My first day of the middle school internship. My first "real" job. My first "real" responsibilities. And I'm excited about those things.

I can't focus on the things that have ended, that have run their course. To be stuck in the past? That's no way to live (believe me- I've tried it). So instead, I'm looking towards the future, towards all the wonderful things that have yet to come. I can't imagine the plans that God has for me, that He has for everyone. All I can do is trust that the future is going to be filled with hope, community, love, and fun, that are as good as the things I'm transitioning away from.

Yeah. Transitions are hard. But without transitions, there'd be no change. And change helps me to grow, to discover who I am, and to find my place in the world.

And that's exciting.

Portraits!

My fabulous friend and former roommate Jill is in a photography class this semester, so I agreed to be her guinea pig when she asked for portrait models. She came over to my apartment, and after playing with the light coming in through the windows, she created some beautiful, creative shots!

Here are a few of my favorites: 

Mother-in-law tongue plant courtesy of my roommate Zach. 

Tulip credit to my parents, for the beautiful bouquet that I received this weekend. 

In the moment, immersed in the music. Describes me perfectly.

All photos property of Jill. Check out her beautiful blog here.

Still a band kid.

This semester, I decided to embark on an old but familiar journey: band. I participated in the Thursday night University Band, where I had the opportunity to play flute alongside students of many different majors and years. I really enjoyed playing for fun again, and learning once more how to practice, blend with other players, and interpret a piece. For the first time, I paid attention to the other sections and listened for different parts and melodies while we played. I heard the low sounds of the tuba, and I noticed the unique sounds of the bassoon. 

Our first concert, we played the typical Stars & Stripes Forever, and I had the opportunity to memorize and play the piccolo solo with a few other players at the first concert. It was nerve-racking to play in front of people again, but I really enjoyed the challenge.

Our last concert was this Sunday, and while I am thankful to have my Thursday nights back, I will miss making music in band every week. I hope to find a community band when I have the time to continue my music adventures.

Inductions, Ceremonies, Banquets, Oh my!

The end of the semester has been filled with lots of ceremonies, concerts, and more. I am thrilled to announce that I have been inducted into the Phi Beta Kappa honor society, as well as Phi Kappa Phi.

With any induction, of course, comes a ceremony (and usually food!). At PKP, we had the honor of hearing from the African Storytelling professor, who shared interesting tales that he learned while walking around Africa collecting oral stories and folktales! We were presented our certificates by a delightful professor who had great enthusiasm for everyone's major, as well as hometown. I had the opportunity to visit and catch up with my friend Amanda who I hadn't seen in a while, which was wonderful. And, of course, I "allowed" my parents to take the obligatory "stand by the banner" picture.

At PBK, we were treated to a great speech by former mayor Dave Cieslewicz, who spoke about agreeing to disagree in politics. He spoke about allowing our thoughts or beliefs to be challenged so that we learn how to support our positions and do research to find out the facts behind what we believe. He spoke of previous politicians and historical figures, dating back to even George Washington, and spoke of how discourse is important for society.

These honors societies, while they do look good on a resumé, have also given me insight into the caliber of students found on the UW campus. I am incredibly honored to have been selected to be a part of these societies, although I cannot claim all of the credit. First and foremost, I thank God for instilling in me a sense of hope and excitement for the future, and a belief that my future will be beautiful. I also thank my parents for believing in me even when I didn't believe in myself, and for reminding me every day that I can do whatever I set my mind to.

Celebrations and Goals

Last night, I had the opportunity to celebrate the birthday of a special lady. My friend Katie's husband threw her a surprise party, and the night was filled with fun and food.

During the time I was there, we started talking about Blackhawk internships. I am thrilled to report that I am 43% funded for the summer. This is fantastic! I am so grateful to those of you who have decided to financially support me. I have enjoyed hearing from you, and writing thank you's.

However, this means that I still have a ways to go. I need to be 75% funded by May 15, otherwise I will not be able to start on time. This is only 2 weeks away!

The crazy thing is, in those 2 weeks, I will be finishing up my last weeks as an undergrad, and transitioning into the summer.

Once my internship starts, I will be co-leading Madison Missions with another intern. I will be in charge of planning the teachings, recruiting worship team members, coordinating leaders, and more. During the weeks themselves, I will be leading students, as well as answering questions that come up, problem solving, and planning! It will be a busy summer, but I am excited for the challenge. This is the first "real world" job, and I am looking forward to the opportunity to grow my leadership skills.

Also, I am excited because this internship will give me an opportunity to grow my faith through fellowship with other Christians, and learn from people with many different life experiences.

Where do you fit in to all of this? I still need to raise $1270 in the next two weeks, or I will not be able to start this fantastic opportunity. Please, take a few moments to pray if this is an opportunity that you would like to support. If so, you can write a check to Blackhawk Church with my name in the memo line, or you can give online through Blackhawk's site. (The checks get mailed to Blackhawk Church; Attn: Internship Program; 9620 Brader Way; Middleton WI 53562)

If you have not received a support letter, and would like one (they have pictures!), please let me know! Please, don't hesitate to call me or email me (alyssalee22@earthlink.net) if you'd like to talk more about this internship. I would love to hear from each and every one of you!

May God bless you all. You are wonderful! :)

God's love

I wrote this back in January, over winter break. This is way deeper than my past entries have been, but I think it's important. 


God loves everyone equally.

This thought has been on my mind for the past week. I have been lamenting the death of Lena Jenison, a beautiful, compassionate young woman who was killed in a car accident while serving in the Peace Corps in Mozambique. I have been trying to figure out why it was "her time", why she had to die when she was wholeheartedly serving the world, why someone else couldn't have died instead. And then a dear friend said that sentence that changed everything: "God loves everyone equally. He loves her as much as he loves the homeless man on the corner." Whoa.

Why is it that our society puts value on people? That we see someone as "more valuable" that someone else because of their sense of humor, or their looks, or their attitude, or their drive to succeed, or... Because that's not how it's supposed to be. We are supposed to love everyone like Christ does, which means loving everyone the same. Regardless of their strengths or weaknesses.

What kind of world would it be if we loved everyone equally? What would it look like without competition to be loved? Could we maybe be ourselves?

I want to love everyone as God loves them. I want to see the value in the homeless man. I want to see the value in the girl that no one talks to. I want to see the value in the celebrity that is in all the gossip tabloids for all the wrong reasons. I want to see the value in everyone. God, help me to see these people as you do. Help me to see the world like You do.

Feria!

Monday at midnight marked the beginning of Sevilla's "Feria de Abril." The week is filled with dancing sevillanas, drinking tinto and other beverages, food, family, and friends. 

In honor of this wonderful celebration, here are a few photos from last year, when I was there. 

Dancing sevillanas in a public caseta. 

My señora was friends with a private caseta owner, so I was able to see what it was like. 

The niños, as cute as can be. 

Dancing sevillanas with my señora. She invited me to go to Feria around midnight with her and her friends. 

The main street of Feria, beautifully lit. 

My friend Kate was able to borrow a beautiful Feria dress. 

Even the horses were decked out for Feria!

The main gate of Feria. 

Root Root Root for the Brewers!

Last week, I boarded a bus with around 30 other college students and St Paul's staff to travel to Milwaukee for my first Brewers' game of the season. After a bit of prayer, we settled into conversations for the trip.

Upon arriving in Milwaukee, we tailgated a bit with frisbees, baseballs, Cheetos, and homemade cookies.

When we finally went inside Miller Park, we were happy that the roof was closed, as it was a bit chilly.

Highlights of the game:

Maggie couldn't resist the fluffy, delicate treat known as cotton candy. And since we all secretly wanted some, she gladly shared with us. 

We also introduced Maggie to ketchup for the first time ever! After we (unsuccessfully) tried to describe it as salty, sweet, and tomato-y, she gave in to peer pressure and dipped a fry in it. The verdict? Not her favorite. 

I have never seen a hot dog vendor (nor one dressed like this) walking around at Miller Park before, so I had to snap a picture. I'm pretty sure he realized what I was doing and wasn't too thrilled. 

Great times and memories with new and old friends. 

And we won! It was a close, exciting game, but our Brewers pulled through in the end. 

The trip back was filled with lots of deep conversation with my friend Carrie, which was the perfect end to this fun, fellowship-filled night. 

Parking!

With each passing day, this internship becomes more and more real. Although I have yet to start, I have been immersed in the fundraising, planning, and anticipation of starting to work at Blackhawk in a little over a month.

The next step in the process: How to get my car on campus for the summer. After many phone calls to local property management companies and parking lot owners, I discovered that a tenant in my building was looking to sublet his space because his roommate (who owned the car) went back to China.

We signed the paperwork today, and I am excited to have my car on campus starting Sunday! I have truly missed the freedom that comes from jumping in the car whenever you'd like and running errands, going for dinner with friends, or even just going for a drive.

Also, received some exciting news today... more on that in a couple weeks if it turns out to be something worth telling. :)

A New Phase in my life

It has been almost a year since I have blogged. In case you were wondering, yes I did safely make it back from Spain. I have been busy enjoying my last year in undergrad at Madison. I have been spending lots of time making memories with friends, trying new experiences (like Bachata, a sultry Latin dance), and making the most of my time. Oh yeah, and doing a little homework along the way. 

What brought me back to the blogging world, you may ask?

This summer I am embarking on a new type of an adventure. I am going to be interning for the middle school ministry at Blackhawk Church. I will be planning, organizing, and leading our 4 weeks of missions camps (among other responsibilities). I am super pumped for this opportunity to learn and grow in a faith-centered environment, as well as the opportunity to stretch my leadership skills.

Check back for updates on life, as well as (hopefully) photos of my last few weeks as an undergrad.